Best laid plans of mice and men....

I had now been at Aaron and Rebecca' house for almost 4 weeks.  My plane ticket back home to see Jeff had been purchased and I was flying out April 28th at 5pmish.  On Monday I began a mental list of the things I wanted to finish up before heading back.

1. Finish drapes for Josh's room - Monday/Tuesday
2. Hang drapes - Tuesday/Wednesday morn
3. Do one last laundry run for the family - Tuesday night
4. Have boys put laundry away (supervise so they don't just put it back in the hamper) - Wednesday morn
5. Clean my bathroom - Tuesday night/Wednesday morn
6. Wash my sheets - Wednesday morn
7. Pack up my stuff - Tuesday night/Wednesday morn
8. Give last loves to Noah in the NICU - Wednesday
9. One last Sonic run for the kids - Wednesday afternoon
10. Final kisses and hugs and lots of crying - Wednesday (all day)

Monday I got a lot accomplished on the drapes, but still had a long way to go...I figured I would stay up all night Tuesday to make sure I got it done.  How does the saying go... "Best laid plans of mice and men often go awry"  Never is that truer in my life than right now.

My morning routine was to get up at about 6:30ish, go to the bathroom, go back to bed and wait for Matthew to come bounding in and lay with me in bed until 7:00 am, then get up and start the kids morning routine.

Tuesday (April 27th) morning I woke up at my usual time - 6:30 am., went to the bathroom, turned around to flush and saw blood!  (Literally!!!)  Without hesitation I called Jeff and told him that I was bleeding new fresh blood.  I couldn't feel our little girl move and just thought the worst.  I woke Rebecca up and asked if she would take me to the hospital - McKay-Dee in Ogden, UT.  This way when it turned out to be nothing, we could go visit her little boy, Noah, in the NICU.  She got the boys up and dressed faster than I have seen them do it ever.  She called Aaron and asked him to come home and take care of the kids while we went to the hospital.  On the drive there I started to feel some contractions.  At the L&D unit, they put us immediately back and put the contraction/heartbeat monitor on me.  What a wonderful thing to hear, my little girl's heartbeat!  What a relief!  I was having a few contractions, about 8-10 min apart.  No big deal..right?  They started an IV on me, and I kept thinking, "why are they doing this?  I am not going to be here long enough for an IV, it kinda hurts, but they will be taking it out soon enough because I am going to Texas tomorrow!"  Then the girls came around for my insurance information and whatnot and asked me if I had a religious preference.  I told them LDS, but what did that matter?  I was going to be out of here in a few hours, we would go check on Noah in the NICU and then I would finish my list of things I wanted to do. 

They took me to the MFM's (high risk doc) office for an ultrasound.  The sono tech showed Rebecca and I her head, brain, stomach, heart, her little feet, her profile, hands, legs, arms,etc...then she did a sono of my cervix.  I asked her, "what am I seeing now?"  Boy did she clam up!  "The doctor will talk to you about this."  hmmm...sounded cryptic/scarey.  Meanwhile Jeff is texting me - ask him what your cervical length is and if you can fly home today/tomorrow.  For those of you who don't know - including me up until 12 days ago - cervical length is basically the distance between your placenta and the end of the birth canal.  It starts off as 5 cm.  He drew a picture for us of a good 5 cm cervical length.  He then said that sometimes the placenta starts dropping into the birth canal and it looks like this... He then drew a picture of a placenta that had reached the end of the birth canal and said, "This is what yours look like."  I immediately started crying and trying to call Jeff and talk to Jeff.  I had them pull him out of whatever he was doing at the office and I don't remember if I actually was able to talk to him or if Rebecca ended up having to do it.  My world had just collapsed!  I do remember talking to Jeff and asking him to come out that night.  He rearranged his schedule, bought an airline ticket, went home and packed. (He arrived that night about 11pmish) They wheeled me back to L&D where I got bombarded by a whole bunch of people.  My head was in a fog.

The basic jist of it was that they were seriously concerned that I would have this baby within the next 24 hours or so by looks of my contractions.  They started me on mag-sulfate (for baby brain development and to help stop the contractions) and another drug to stop contractions, and anti-biotics.  The steriod shot that they usually give 1 shot and wait 24 hours and give you another shot - they were not sure that they even had that much time, so they gave me 1 shot and 12 hours later gave me the other.  The neonatologist came in and said they were ready for my 26 weeker, but that if I could hold out to 30 weeks my odds for a "normal" child become 90+% over a 26 weeker.  I started crying again.  This was not the plan!!!!  I was not going to have a baby today!!!!  I was supppose to go home to Texas, swim the heat of the summer away, grow a baby belly, buy maternity clothes, try to look cute in them, have a baby shower, then in late July/early August have our little girl in TEXAS....not utah!! 

They handed me a bunch of paperwork to fill out, one paper was the birth certificate.  I refused to fill it out!  I am not going to have this baby any time soon!

Jeff arrived late that night on Tuesday.  What a relief it was to have him there!  I do not know how single women can do this!  Without Jeff's love and support through all of this, I surely would've crumbled!  Jeff met my doctor (who I didn't even recognize from the day before.) Wednesday morning.  Jeff was ready to fight and get the doctor to see that Jeff's ideas for my care were the best ones!  Jeff patiently listened to Dr. Kammeyer and was pleasantly surprised that his plan of care for me was dead on what Jeff wanted.  Jeff had even talked to him about a theory that is surfacing about progesterone shots and helping prevent pre-term labor.  Dr. K said that he and the MFM had just talked about that study that morning and were both in agreement that I probably didn't fit the exact profile because I was already in pre-term labor so they weren't sure of the benefit, but also knew that there was no harm in giving me the shot.  Just when I thought I was done with those icky shots they come back to literally bite me in the butt again! :)  Luckily it is only a once a week shot and luckily a nurse gives them to me and not Jeff - they don't hurt when a nurse does it! (this actually has made me rethink the whole IVF thing again...I could do it, if I went to one of Jeff's nurses and had them give me the shot everyday!)

Thursday (April 29th) morning - my 48 hours of scariness were up - they decided to take a look and see exactly where I was so they could have a better idea if we were looking at days or weeks until I gave birth.  I am dialated to a 2+ and my placenta is exactly where the sono shows it to be.  This gives them hope that it will be weeks until I deliver.

Friday (April 30th) I was taken off L&D since the scariness of an immediate deliver was gone.  I was taken to an antepartum room.  It was smaller and cozier.  Jeff slept on the cozy/comfy recliner.  (ha!) He stayed with me through most of the days and all of the nights.  He has been such a wonderful helpmate!  I am so fortunate to have him as my husband.  Thursday afternoon (April 29th), Jeff, being such a wonderful guy, said to me, "Jill I bet you would feel so much better if you had your hair washed."  I had last washed my hair on Monday and for those of you who know me, I can't hardly go 24 hours without washing it again, and here it had been almost 3 days since it had been washed.  Jeff went to the nurses's station and asked for a couple of basins and a pitcher.  He then proceeded to wash my hair with my head hanging off the side of the bed.  Such a small act, but filled with so much love! I am telling you, I have the MOST wonderful guy in the world.  You might think you do, but I am here to tell you I could not have chosen anyone more perfect for me than Jeff!  Thank Heavens for the Lord's inspiration and the Holy Ghost!

Jeff had to say goodbye to me on Saturday night.  I had been having a rough day of contractions and having to get shots of "terb" to stop those contractions.  I am sure that that was our little girl's way of showing how sad she was that her Daddy was leaving.  Jeff stayed until the absolute last minute that he could.  We said a family prayer together, held each other for a long time, both of us cried our eyes out and then some, kissed each other goodbye and he was out the door.  I can't hardly talk about that night to anyone or even type this without crying and remember how tough it was for both of us to say goodbye.

Jeff and I have had to come to terms with the fact that he will most likely miss the birth of his little girl.  I have also had to come to terms that Rebecca will have to see me give birth!!!!  Well, I am not sure I am quite ready for that - both the giving birth part and Rebecca "seeing" me give birth....but I am glad that she is willing to step in and help and I would much rather it be her than my brother Aaron! :)

Rebecca told me that one day while she was over in the NICU she happened to be there while the doctors were rounding on the patients - they apparently began talking about a possible 26 week old baby girl that they needed to prepare for and that her mom was from Texas and the Aunt of Noah who was a current resident. Since I had been going to the NICU with Rebecca for about 3 weeks, I have been able to get to know a lot of the NICU nurses and vice versa - they were a little shocked to hear that they might be expecting to take care of my baby next.  Rebecca informed Noah that no matter how much he wanted it, his cousin was not going to be in the NICU with him.  I informed my little girl the same thing.  Noah was released from the NICU last Tuesday (May 4th).  I have been talking to my little girl and informed her that even though Noah was no longer in the NICU, it wasn't time for her to make her appearance yet.  Let's see how well she minds her mother!

I have been fortunate enough to have some vistors stop by:  Aunt Pat & Uncle Ted (Jeff's Dad's sister), LeighAnn Ashdown (someone from my old ward in Plano), Aunt Carolyn & Uncle Garth (Jeff's Mom's sister), Uncle Robert & Aunt Janet (Jeff's Mom's brother), Gary & his wife (cousin on Jeff's Mom's side), and Lisa Nelson Robinson (cousin on Jeff's Dad's side).  The rule on the floor is that noone under 14 allowed unless they are your own children.  The head nurse was kind enough to bend the rule for me since I am in such an unique situation - she said that my brother's and my sister's children would be allowed to come and visit me since I am so far from home and need all the love and support I can get.  So I have been able to have Aaron, Rebecca, Matthew, Josh, Daniel, and Sarah visit as well as Susan, Emily, Kate, and Kari.

My parents left Dallas last Tuesday (May 4th) with the intention of being here on Wednesday...hmmm sounds like a familar theme here!  On Wednesday they were in Albuquerque waiting on Little Caesar's pizza to open and trying to find a gas station when my Dad missed the curve in the road and popped up on the curb...well that is not the only thing that popped!  So did 2 of his tires.  He put the spare tire on one and the other had a weird bulge to it so he drove on it.  Luckily, Discount Tires was about a mile away and they had an opening to fix their tires right away.  Upon inspection, the 2 tires he popped were under waranty, but his 2 other tires were pretty worn and needed to be replaced too.  Also, since he had driven on the weird tire, he ended up bending the rim and had to replace it.  Since they don't carry the factory rim, he had to buy 4 new rims so they would all match!  It was enough of a delay that they could only reach Moab the 2nd day.  They arrived here on Thursday with some reinforcement supplies that Jeff had sent up!  Dad came by Friday and we were able to watch movies all day long.  This hospital is smart, they have their own version of "Red Box" so you can rent new releases down in the main lobby for about $1/day.  Mom came by Friday night and we got to chit chat.  It does seem to break up the days by having someon come visit.

Our milestones:
1) make it 48 hours without delivering (DONE)
2) make it to 28 weeks (I have about 4 more days until that one is done)
3) make it to 30 weeks (about 18 days away - wow that doesn't seem too far away)
4) make it to 33 weeks (about 39 days away - stay positive you can do this!!!  Have Faith!!!)
5) any day after that is a blessing!

A few things I think about:
1) Whether I am pregnant or not I have to plan on being in Utah until about mid/end of July - either it will be me in the hospital bed or our little girl.  I would rather be the one stuck here and bored out of my mind than have to watch my little girl struggle for life.

2) Never is my title quote by Neil A. Maxwell more true - "Faith in God includes Faith in His Timing"
I have to have faith that whatever happens in the timing of my little girl's birth it is by God's will.  What a tough one to swallow!

3) I have to stay postive! I have to have faith in the blessings that I have received!  I have to know that God is in control!  That seems to be another theme in my pregnancy journey - whether it has been trying to get pregnant, losing my pregnancy, or the end result of this pregnancy.  I have to press forward with faith.

A bright side:  Jeff will be here Memorial Day weekend!!! 19 days away!  He has a 1/2 day on Thursday, so he will be flying out on Thursday afternoon, that Friday he has clinic so he is taking it off, and that Monday his office is closed so he flys out that evening. I will have about 4 1/2 days with him.  We will celebrate his birthday (May 17th), our 14th anniversary (May 24th), and my birthday (June 8th) - and hopefully not our little girl's birthday anytime soon!

Jeff and I have truely appreciated all the prayers and fasting that all of y'all have done on our behalf.  We have definately felt y'alls love and support and the love and support of Heavenly Father.  Thank you!